last day (er, night) of work

saturday night was my last shift at the hospital. I though I would be so happy to be done, but it was so sad and hard to say goodbye to this chapter of my life.  I started working at primary children's on the immunocompromised (ics) unit a little over two years ago. but my dream of being a nurse and working with pediatric oncology patients started many years ago. I have been so lucky to work my dream job right out of nursing school. Going back after having James was hard. I never wanted to leave my baby, but once I got to work I was always happy to be there. Like any job there are good things and bad things, but overall it has been a wonderful, life-changing experience to work on ICS

so weird to walk out these doors for the last time

so glad I got to work with some of my favorite people my last shift

 things I won't miss:
-working night shifts and weekends and holidays
-leaving Steve and James for 12 hours at a time
-waking up at 5:30 am for a day shift or trying to nap unsuccessfully before a night shift, never getting enough sleep
-watching families hear the word "cancer" and learning about the long journey they have ahead of them
-giving kids chemo and then trying to combat the horrible side effects
- hearing the words 'relapse', 'new diagnosis' and 'nothing else we can do'
-feeling inadequate because nothing I try will help these kids feel better and even though we fight as hard as we can, sometimes cancer wins

things I will miss:
-the amazing kids and their rockstar families
-the awesome nurses and techs I got to work with. i don't think there was anyone i didn't like on ics. they all made bad day so much better
-feeling challenged and being able to learn new things about nursing and how to fight cancer every day
-being inspired and learning so much from these way-to-mature-for-their-age kids
-going into a patient room and being squirted by a squirt gun, attacked by silly string, or being presented with cute pictures colored by the cute kids.  our patients seriously are the best
-being visited by past patients and seeing them with hair !
-watching our patients ring the bell when they finish their chemo treatments. favorite part of the job, hands down